©2010 candid-and-uncensored.com blog part of
In part first of this article we discussed about gradual evolution in moral values in in Indian society. Second part discusses about "friendship" among boys and girls and impact of this new relationship on moral values of Indians.
If you have been a girl or a boy who had many girl as friends would be aware of the following phrases.
He is just a friend, but you are my special friend.
You are my cutest friend.
You my sweet friend, so what if Rahul is my boyfriend.
Special friends... etc etc
Increasing number of co-education convent schools become big destroyer which killed Indian Moral values completely and instill new moral values (better call it Western Moral values to sound bit positive :) ) . On one hand parents were picking new modern values from TV / Movies children were having their first encounter with opposite sex in schools.
All of you may be well aware of effect of talk, touch and closeness with strange person of opposite sex. Remember your all such encounter , how does your body reacts to this experience. This is the another bitter fact of hormonal chemistry of human body. Whenever a stranger of opposite sex comes closer to your body , your body will have to respond in some way. This hormonal burst can be termed as sexitement when two bodies of opposite sex come closer and have talk ,touch and smell each other.
Co education started with 1st standard when child doesn't understand much about sexitement. For him/her everybody is a friend and just a child to play with , eat with. Growing child never understands the transition from friends to possible mating partner.
Growing body also starts reacting in its own way to the all touches , talks and with smells. Their behavior remains same for their friends . Girls and Boys become used to touches and talks with opposite sex.
On the one hand this closeness full fill the desire of being in the proximity of opposite sex and on the other hand continuous presence of opposite sex makes one accustomed of presence of opposite sex without getting "too much" exited . But the point ,to be noted, is excitement remains in this relationship , one must be more aware to notice and accept the excitement.
Boys with freedom of everything accumulate knowledge of many things in school at early stage and starts understanding the importance of what he is getting from his school "friends" of opposite sex. Nobody teach him to refrain from girls , neither girls were told to behave like this or that.
Girls and boys both become accustomed to the presence of opposite sex , some of them enjoys too and tried their best to accumulate as much friends as possible. Somewhere they nurtured the feeling that whatever closeness they have with their friend of opposite sex is fine because we are "good friends".
Social values are different for girls and boys. Whole responsibility of family reputation comes on daughter's shoulder. She should not roam around with boys she should not talk with boys etc etc. So only place left for her is school and school friends to enjoy the proximity of boys (Remember DDLJ dialoge : - There will be party ,dance ,wine and booooyyyyyyss) .
For girls her "school friends" become a life saving word now, where she gets everything under one roof. Most girls realize the growing difference with childhood friends and adulthood friends. But a good percentage of girls never realize this difference , they keep behaving in the same way as if they were behaving with her 7 year old friend.
But anyhow most of the school girls started believing that talking and touching their school friends is OK . Boys , well informed by their seniors and friends elder brothers , enjoy their friendship with "school friends" . It is a WIN-WIN situation for both girls and boys. Girls thinks that they have never crossed their limits as whatever they are doing they are doing with their "good friend"/"best friend"/"cute friend from childhood" , who are well known to her parent from childhood.
In this way Indian society got a new concept of friendship among boys and girls . It was a new relationship for Indians girls and boys which solved many odd situations. A relationship which is purely based on attraction of opposite sex termed as just friends / best friends /school friends etc. It is easy for humans to do bad things in a group . Riots , rapes etc are best example of group vandalism".
Same applies on School friendship. Five girls studying with three boys is "group study" , whereas a girl studying with a boy is clear indication of close relationship. who will want to invite trouble . So Its better to arrange "Group events" rather spending time with a particular boy or girl , and no open minded liberal parents want to be orthodox by saying no to roam around with friends. 2 are a couple and more are group of friends this is the basic concept of now a days friendship acts.
So all clever girls who don't want to come under the scanner of parents , society , neighbors says no to a single boys in school and college days and push the boys for more group activities only. Advantage every body is enjoying company of his /her "Best Friend" but still he ,she is with friends so nobody will object.
This is what someone calls "killing without guilty of murder".
By the end of school days a very few girls and boys would be able to keep their basic concepts intact. In last few years of school days difference between friends , boyfriend and lover got blurred dangerously. Thus a great illusion cemented that "true" friendship between opposite sex may exist and every boy and girl gives example of school days friendship.
When the girls from co-education background and girls who are influenced by friendship background culture comes to college / office where they meet with boys from all background , natural hormonal chemistry starts its work. Co-ed background boy/girls easily gel up and make new " friendships " . whereas boys/ girls from non co-ed culture reacts differently.Girls feel that these boys are not normal , boys feels that these girls are not normal who talks with stranger boys like friends of yesterday. Co-ed boys understand the girl's desire of making a group of friends and join the group as friend without hesitation . They know that this is the best way to stay closer with a girl and some day he can influence the girl and make her girl friend.
Worst hit are boys from non co-ed back ground boys . Who has never been in "touch" with any girl for his entire life. He got confused with friend , good friend, best friend word and dumb struck by chemical reaction of his body to friend's touch and talks. He feels guilty for being cheater to his friend , simultaneously he wants to remain in the physical zone of girls so that he can get his share of feminist charm. So neither he can stay away from these girls because he likes chemical reaction of his body in the presence of girls nor he can go closer because he feels guilty in that .
Some girls who can't control their habit of talking and touching her listener "Boys" become most provoking thing . Co-ed background boy doesn't get serious for such girls because he has already met many in his school days. For non-co-ed boy it is something like gaining heavenly pleasure , he hasn't feel that touch before in his life.
He just fantasied about those touches and now suddenly it has become reality. He feels that he is something special in this world and most handsome man and the girl is mad about him. He considers her gesture as being her closet friend. Whereas the girl is "unaware" of this "sick" interpretation of her friendly gesture. That boy keep building his castles in air , day after day, until one day he finds that she is behaving in the same way with his friends.
Some boys awakened by this enlightenment and understand the "bitchy" behavior of girls . Some boys can't figure out this common behavior of girls and remain under the impression that he is very important for that girl. Under such illusion he keeps doing all impossible tasks for his "girl" friend even sometimes at the stake of his own career , parents and siblings. He gives full full attention to the girl ignoring all other things.
Finally when some shocking incident occurs and that boy realizes that girl is " using " him on the name of friendship. Generally the girl was never aware of the boy's feeling whereas boy felt as being used or cheated.
Some times reverse also happens , where boys enjoys girl company on the name of friendship.
So I was saying that In this excitement he forgets to notice that she is touching now and then everybody while talking . Where as for these girls it is perfectly normal to touch boys to seek attention and talk , nothing abnormal .."Nobody reacted in my school life. This is my way of talking with friends. " How many boys you saw who say noopes to girls proximity and their touches. I think not a single one. Boys , who will say no, stays away from the girls who can't talk without touching.
These girls don't get serious with anybody and educate the girls from non co-ed background, So all girls learn the secrets of friendship and know the advantage of having group of male female friends.
Gradually these non-co-ed boys also understand the meaning of friendship after having many heart breaks or sometimes after getting tight slap from a girl. Some lucky intelligent boys learns all about this kind of friendship by just observing friends around them.
Some of these boys join the "friends" group , rest of them stay away from these kind of friends and become infamous persons who stares at girls in strange way .
In nutshell boys girls who have been to this kind of friendship in schooldays simply keeps adding new new friends in his or her list , For those who have not been from such background start accepting the harmless relationship of friendship for their vested interest .
The grand fact remains same "fatal-attraction of opposite sex " push everybody to make more friends and to make better friends.
Matting skills embedded in the DNA of humans and hormonal chemical released by various reproductive organs doesn't understand the difference among the term friends ,female friend , male , friends, girl friend ,boy friend and last but most complicated "best friend".
Some girls and boys understand and accept the work of hormonal chemistry and accept its dominance over friendship with opposite sex . They start controlling their behaviors with their friends /probable matting partner.These awakened ones are mostly practical one who understand the importance of physical closeness with only one partner of opposite sex.
Those who are emotional and still believe in "pure friendship without hormonal chemistry " keep continue with making friendship with every tom-dick-harry in office / college , without giving a thought about another facet of friendship and lives in their world of "Friends". These person failed to notice the chemical reaction of body and ignore the fact that they are enjoying the physical presence of opposite sex around them. These guys and gals either don't understand the hormonal chemistry between opposite sex or they pretends that they are not aware of something like this may exists at all. for him/her mating partner is someone who will have full intercourse with him/her.
Such persons don't consider touching , holding hands , patting anywhere on body of friends inappropriate. They just say for everything "he/she is just my best friend / good friend. "
Some more advance kind of persons ,mostly influenced from Hollywood or Bollywood movies , don't consider kissing on cheek, hugging as inappropriate gesture among friends . for them it is the way to show their love and care for their friends :) . For them this is also part of friendship /best friends .
Actually in many such friends physical closeness doesn't result in sexual excitement in boy or girl or in both (great) because they have been accustomed to all these from last 12-16 years . Such cases are really case of friendship where sexitement was killed by continuous closeness of opposite sex. Because hormones doesn't respond for such closeness or you have been learned to unnoticed that hormonal response .
Problems remains where boy or girl is not accustomed to control the hormonal chemical reaction when opposite sex comes closer.
Now remaining crowd is of boys /girls who understand this hormonal chemistry when tow opposite sex comes closer but they pretends that we are "Only friends" Why do they have to pretend and continue the same behavior with a boy or girl who is not aware of such friendship but aware of hormonal chemistry. If both boys and girl in such friendship are experiencing hormonal chemistery resulting in sexual exitement and still pretending then what does it means?
If one of them , in above relationship , is married then it is called cheating with spouse.
If none of them is married and they are continuing the relationship without involving in physical intimate relation then they are more than friend but less then lover. They may or may not cross limits in future .
If one of them is serious for each other then they are called girl friend / boy friend or lover. It may turn in one night stand , live - in relationship , friend with benefit (FWB) . After some time when the serious partner will suggest to get marry . The person who is not serious he/she will give family problem or some other problem and finally break up happens.
If none of them is serious for long term relationship and both of them pretending as good friends/best friends then surely with or without intimate physical relationship.
In today's Indian society all kind of above relationship exists ration of these relationship change in cities. but good thing is still a large number of girls /understand the meaning of such friendship and try to stay away from them and set a limit for themselves.
But how long these girls & boys will survive I don't know. Now a Days in schools going children are asked by theirs parents about their girl friends /boyfriends.
children thinks that everybody is asking about his /her girlfriend boyfriend so it seems very important to have one GF/ BF .
Somewhere parents , TV movie , society make a children think that having GF/BF is as important as getting great grades in schools .
Result we are observing in schools every boy /girl trying to make one GF/BF as soon as he start understand the meaning of these words. I heard one case in which grade 6th girl committed suicide because of infidelity of her "boyfriend".
The day is not far away when school going boys/girls will supporting shang-bands like UK-USA schools children.
Indian morals are changing very rapidly we can only hope and try to ensure that it will not turn out as marry-divorce-marry-divorce cycle kind of culture.
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